Hello again!
Finally, I think we are past the worst of this winter! The most recent mini snow storm was hopefully the last of its kind for this season. I am tired of freezing in the morning and freezing in the evening. Bring on the flowers and warm breeze!
If there is one thing that I have been joyfully and sometimes painfully made aware of is my adoption status. People ask me questions about it all the time. How does it feel? What was it like growing up in an orphanage? Do you want to find your birth parents?
As a child, it did not phase me that Mom and Dad were not biologically mine. They were my parents, plain and simple. But! As we've all experienced, people can be cruel, and lies mixed with the truth muddy the waters of our security. Personal, traumatic experiences, as in my case, can also create wounds and scars that are loathe to heal. Memories become nightmares that haunt you 24 hours a day. The desire and need to forget consume every thought.
The consequence? A skewed outlook on what is truly a gift by viewing it as a curse, a blemish, a failure.
It took me nearly 20 years to fully accept the fact that the people I love the most are not connected to me by blood and DNA. When I looked at them, I saw a community, and I felt like the outsider. I pulled away in order to protect myself from getting hurt, disappointed, or rejected. I was afraid they too would see me as the outsider. Did they make me feel that way? Absolutely not! From the first day I was adopted into my family, they loved me and accepted me without reservation.
Around the age of nine, I began to resent being adopted. I hated being different. I did not like feeling disconnected. As young children and adults, we all long for unity and security. And, I did not feel that way. As I was beginning to develop emotionally, spiritually, mentally, etc- I struggled with my identity and being from an entirely different country, culture, and family was certainly not helping. The word ADOPTION felt like a dirty word; my own personal scarlet letter by which everyone could identify me.
I was much older, in my twenties to be exact, when I started to understand the beauty and gift my biological parents gave me in relinquishing parental rights. Truth be told, I had not given a second thought to what it must have been like to be in their shoes. I cannot EVER imagine having to make the heart wrenching choice to let my child go and trusting he or she will be well cared for, loved, and raised in a happy and healthy family environment. That takes extraordinary selflessness and faith-both of which I failed to consider until I was old enough to appreciate their magnitude.
Furthermore, I never stopped to ponder the sacrifice and struggle my parents endured in the process of trying to adopt. They sadly, could not have children of their own. My Mom and Dad suffered heartbreak in the midst of trying to have a family. For nearly two years, they logged thousands of hours with paper work, phone calls, doctor visits; the list goes on and on. They paid with more than just money; they paid with time, emotions, fear, and most importantly love!
So here is the light bulb moment! I may not be bound to my family by BLOOD or DNA. I may not have their physical features, laugh, or odd quirks, but there is one thing I definitely have-unconditional LOVE. Love is what binds us together, and love will remain long after we have all grown up, moved away, had families of our own, and even passed from this earth. As my mother used to say to me, "You may not have been born from inside my belly, but you were born from the depths of my heart!"
A Letter I wrote last year...I thought I would share it again with you!
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Mama and Dad, You Gave Love to Me!
I wanted to take a moment to praise God and thank Him for blessing me with my precious Mom and Dad! Today Mom and Dad, I celebrate YOU! I know I don't tell you nearly enough how much you mean to me, or simply speak the words "I love you!"
What most of you don't know, I am adopted. Nearly 22 years ago, I was brought to America when I was 4 1/2 years old and literally placed into the arms of the woman and man who would guide each of my steps. At the time, I knew them not and wanted nothing to do with them. But! I cannot imagine my life without my Mom or Dad, or a better friend with whom to share my joys and sorrows, triumphs and failures! God knew what He was doing when He gave you to me and me to you! You are one of my greatest gifts and miracles!
I also want to thank the woman and man who gave me life. I don't know you, and more than likely-I never will. But, you too are in my heart today and always. Your selfless love is what allowed you to give me up in order to provide me the best chance at a fulfilling future. I read your letter of love often, and if I could thank you face-to-face, I would--with a hug! Perhaps one day, I'll see you in Heaven, and I'll get to thank you in person. Until then, I pray you are Blessed, that God is the center of your life, and that you have been blessed with more children-my brothers and sisters. I didn't always understand why you made the choice to let me go, but I can only pray, if placed in the same situation, I would love as profoundly as you!
To all of the mothers and fathers in the world here on earth and in Heaven, may you be celebrated, cherished, and remembered today. For those of you reading this blog, take a extra moment today to let Mom and Dad know what they mean to you! To all the parents who have adopted children; Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!!! You have given the greatest gift possible-YOU!
Finally, to those agencies and free agents who give of their time and love to help place children with loving families..Thank YOU! You are not recognized nearly enough! To those who help reunite separated families...Thank YOU! You help mend what had once been broken! God Bless YOU! <3
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In all honestly, I think, we as Christians struggle, at one point or another in our walk, with the same identity crisis. As sinners, we are separated from the Pure Holiness of our Heavenly Father. Essentially, we are orphans wandering about in a strange, cold, and unforgiving world. But like the adoption agency and advocates that worked closely with my parents to secure my adoption, Jesus secured our adoption into God's Family through His Death and Resurrection. That was the payment needed in order for us to no longer be orphans but instead, sons and daughters of the King of Kings.
The Bible discusses in length about the beauty, prevalence, and importance of adoption both literally and spiritually. Here are some of my favorite verses.
Romans 8:14-16
"For all who are led by the Spirit of God are children of God. So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God's Spirit when He ADOPTED you as His own children. Now we call Him 'Abba Father,' for His spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God's children."
Psalm 68:5
"Father to the fatherless, defender of widows- this is God, whose dwelling is holy. God places the lonely in families; he sets the prisoners free and gives them joy."
Matthew 18:5
"And anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf is welcoming me."
I know how easy it is to struggle with understanding, accepting, and resting in the knowledge that Christ loves us no matter what we have done or where we have been. We isolate ourselves in fear of being disappointed, hurt, abandoned, vulnerable, etc. I STILL struggle with it from time-to-time.
However, despite it all, one thing remains constant-God's love. He promises to never "leave us or forsake us," "there is no shadow of turning with Him," and "He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow." We are the ones who run away, turn away, and isolate. Let us stop fighting the arms that envelop us, the love that uplifts us, and the grace that sustains us. Do NOT let it be decades, days, or seconds before allowing yourself to be loved and cherished. Being adopted is the greatest gift you have ever received-so RECEIVE IT!
Until Next Time! <3
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