Finding Joy in the Midst of Sorrows

Good Afternoon and Many Blessings!

It's been such a long time since I turned on my computer and logged onto this site.  I hope this post finds you happy and healthy. 

There are days when I honestly wonder what I'm doing here, what plan God has for me, and am I even close to fulfilling that plan.
Some days I'm exhausted just thinking about the next minute, and the thoughts that run through my head can become overwhelming and frankly terrifying.  

I've gotten into the habit of prayer journaling (per the suggestion of a friend and sister in Christ) along with my regular journaling practices.  I find it an extremely refreshing process that leaves me with a clear prospective and a hopeful spirit.  God is faithful to answer my musings through His Word and through the still small voice that speaks to my weary and often, overly imaginative soul.  

This past year has been one of a LOT of changes that has procured a LOT of growth.  Sadly, often times that growth comes through  trials, failures, pain, sorrow, and loss and this year has been chock full of all of those elements.  Not to say it can't come through victories and triumphs and happy moments.  But! Let's be honest here for just a minute....we are generally stubborn and prideful beings who are quick to assume we known the answers and extremely slow to listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit who seeks to guide us in the way of the Lord's will.  So, while we often complain about struggles and challenges we face and ask God to take them away...would we really listen otherwise??  

Instead of complaining...which is something I do a LOT of...I'll admit it...I've learned this year to approach these lessons slightly differently.  Much like Paul who asked and begged and pleaded with God to remove the "thorn from his side three times," God did not answer his prayer to remove the problem.  Instead the Lord said "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (2nd Corinthians 12:8).  Paul accepted this challenge and noted "For the sake of Christ, then I am content with weakness, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities.  For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2nd Corinthians 12:10).  

So, here is what I've started praying instead...

Okay Lord.  Since you're not taking away these struggles...since you're allowing me to make mistakes...what do YOU want me to do?  What I am supposed to learn?  Open my heart, my eyes, and my ears to the TRUTH You are asking me to understand.  

I can tell you, this is MUCH easier said than done.  But, I can also tell you, if you make a conscious effort and CHOICE to do this instead of grumbling and complaining, God is ALWAYS faithful to answer those prayers and that is a blessing you can't ignore.  

I recently read a beautiful quote from Alistair Begg that touched my heart so deeply.  A much needed reminder of an absolute truth I too easily forget.

How blessed I am by this simple stated yet profound TRUTH.  I am thankful beyond what words can fully convey for the grace of the Lord.  I have been experiencing His grace full blast lately, particularly in the midst of the dark moments and struggles of this past year.  

Even when the storms of life threaten to overwhelm me and draw me under, God's GRACE is the life vest that keeps me afloat. 

I can honestly say this process is FAR from over.  Each day God continues to stretch me and shape me, and some days I hate it.  It's uncomfortable and painful.  Not because God is actually hurting me, but because it forces me to accept my shortcomings, forces me to accept my failures, and forces me let go of control. But!  It also forces me to lean fully on the Lord, accept His sovereignty, and rest in His grace.  And let's be real here...  

It doesn't get any better than that! 

Until Next time <3 

The Proof is In.....

Hello Everyone!!!  

Gosh it has been far, far too long since I've last written.  Forgive me!!  These past couple of months have been challenging and exhausting in more ways than I was prepared for.  God is definitely using these hours and days to refine and mold me, and frankly, it's been a rather painful journey.  NOT complaining mind you; just simply reflecting and sharing in the small and big things He's doing in my life.  

Hope you are doing well and are blessed, in ALL things!!!  This is definitely a hard lesson I've been forced to learn.  And I've not exactly been a very willing pupil....stubborn and defiant is more like it.  Like a child, discipline is never easy and let's be honest, it's not something we seek either!  But!  In the end, it is a BLESSING....even if we get bumps and bruises along the way.  

Thought I would share a few poetry pieces I've written over the last few days.  I have shared some of my poetry before in earlier posts. Along with general blogging and narrative writing, I also love just jotting down a few lines of prose.  Nothing fancy, nothing perfect...just a dialogue between God and myself, my heart and my head, the pen and the paper.  

Never be afraid to let your heart song sing...in whatever way that is for you.  For me it's singing and writing.  For you it could be painting, drawing, hiking, running...you fill in the blank.  Take those moments and draw in every precious moment.  

Sometimes the greatest joys in life are found in the seemingly insignificant moments.  Learn to find blessings in every moment and when  you've done so, you've started the blessed journey of LIVING! 

If Only You Knew

If only you knew what you do to me.

How I see you, to the very depths of your soul.

How I cry for you when you’re hurt.

How I get angry when injustice is your fate.

How I pray for you when trials become too burdensome.

How I love you, even though you’ll never love me back.

If only you knew what you do to me.

But you won’t, because you don’t see me. 

Now I know how Jesus feels…..

PROOF

I constantly complain I don’t feel You near,

Accuse You of forsaking me in my time of need.

But You remind me of Your presence,

Through the early moments of the rising sun,

When the world is peaceful and still.

Through the chirping of the birds,

The most beautifully composed symphony,

Filling my heart with Your Heavenly song.

Through the colors of the flowers,

Their radiant hues splashed across nature’s canvas.

Their fragrance, the purest of perfumes.

Through the kindness of a stranger,

A warm smile that speaks a thousand words,

Telling of the heart deep within.

So when I am tempted to complain I don’t feel You near,

Open my eyes to see, my ears to hear, and my heart to listen,

For even my very breath is proof Your presence lies deep within. 

Until Next Time <3 

Fix My Eyes Where???

Reflection for Today....thought I'd share since it's been much too long since I've last written.  Praying you are all well, safe, and healthy! 

God's voice and guidance is heard many different ways....how we listen determines how well we hear it. 

Sometimes it takes another person's perspective; an unbiased view to help give us clarity when we're stuck in our personal tunnel vision.  Sometimes it can be found in a simple statement- unassuming in its honesty.  Sometimes it comes from a two hour conversation, a heart-to-heart, a "come to Jesus" moment.  Sometimes the moment of clarity comes quietly and gently, caressing the issue at hand.  Other times, it's like a blaring, blinding light that pulls us out of our comfort zone, out of the darkness, and forces us to face a moment of utter, naked vulnerability that is completely terrifying.  

This particular moment of clarity came after a two hour conversation with my pastor, and a man I view as a father, and whom I love very dearly.  While in this "meeting," I shared parts of my life, my past, my pain, my fears, and my hopes.  And despite initial reservations about opening up about so much of myself, I found myself breathing a sigh of relief, as if a massive weight had been physically lifted off my shoulders, my heart, my soul.  Throughout this conversation, my pastor shared his professional council, but more importantly, his genuine, fatherly-like love--just for me.  I came to this realization....

Despite the pain I (we) endure in our lives, the trials I (we) have overcome, God has a greater plan; even when we just can't see it.  A greater plan that I (we) am not always capable of understanding or accepting at the time.  My (your) testimony spans my (your) entire lifetime; and is not even about me (you), but rather about God. 

When people ask me to share my testimony, I ask them in return, "how much time do you have?" 

It would be most ideal of my testimony was simple and could be wrapped neatly in pretty paper and completed with a big, red, velvet bow.  However, it isn't like that...not even close.  It's full of ups, downs, tears, laughter, mistakes, trials, tribulations, failures, and victories.  But more importantly, it's not about me...yes you heard me correctly; it's not about me!  It's about God and how my life is proof of His constant Grace, Love, and Mercy...and His Glory.

This level of vulnerability is new for me; and yet, at the same time, is very liberating and freeing.  I'm not bound by the pain and mistakes of my past, and I can openly and boldly share it with others..for the glory of the Lord.  

So whatever you're currently going through or have endured in the past...let it go and let God take it and make it into something beautiful.  Believe me, I know it's easier said than done!!  But here's the deal.  You can either choose to live life stuck in the past with regrets, pain, anger, fear...(you fill in the blank), or you can choose to see each day as a new chance to love and be loved...and see the beauty God has to share.  Which choice will you make??

Until Next Time! <3